Unpopular Opinion

I Am Not Your Damn Fetish

Dating is stressful cuh. After spending two years with the same guy, I totally forgot how annoying dating is. You’ve gotta go places to meet people, then talk to them to get to know them, then weed through all the nonsense to figure out who’s sane and who’s batshit crazy. It’s so tiring. I’m glad I have books. Lots and lots of books. And cable.

In the tedious process of weeding out the bad guys you come to learn something as a Black woman. You might be nothing more than a fetish. I’ve only seriously dated one white guy in my life. And I honestly believe I only dated him because he grew up within Black culture having a very large Black step-family. He never approached me as the white guy attracted to a Black girl. He was just a guy and I was just a girl. Nothing weird about that. However, that’s often not the case.

Most Black women have heard, “I’ve never been with a Black girl” a time or two or twenty-seven. A lot of white men see us as objects of intrigue, foreign treasures, fetishes. And they do this with other women of color too. The porcelain doll Asian girls and spicy and sassy Latinas get it just as much as we do. It’s annoying, it’s offensive, it makes it hard to build the desire to even want to date outside my race. And it’s sadly expected to. Let’s not forget the frequency with which slave masters raped their African captives.

I’m just not here to fulfill your fantasy. I’m not some story you can tell to your guy friends about the one time you hooked up with a Black girl and it was surprisingly not that different from hooking up with any other girl. I’m not some bucket list item to check off. I’m not some rare gem to collect. And you’re disgusting for thinking I am.

And you know what’s even worse? As a light-skinned woman, I have to deal with the same type of bullshit from Black men. You Black men who are obsessed with light-skinned women are absolutely no different from the white men who want to try a Black woman on for size. My complexion is all you’re after. You fetishize me by being attracted to my skin. My damn skin. Skin that tells you absolutely nothing about me really. Only enforces whatever silly little stereotypes you’ve made up in your own mind.

It would be nice if a guy were attracted to me simply because I am beautiful or smart or funny or compassionate; anything other than my complexion. I am just so tired of guys talking about light-skinned women as if we’re some trophy to win and place on a shelf; evidence of having conquered a stuck-up self-appointed goddess when YOU are the ones who place us on a pedestal in the first place.

“Light-skinned women are bad as hell, but they don’t reply to texts.” Hell no I’m not replying to your texts if the only reason you’re all up in my face is because I’m light-skinned. Do you know how annoying it is to constantly be told you’re the shit and then told that you think you’re the shit. Like, huh? I’m humble. I respect people who respect me. I’ve dated tall guys, short guys, fat guys, skinny guys, Black guys, white guys, and everything in between. Don’t insult me by calling me stuck-up and then obsess over me like I’m the damn Queen of Sheba.

Yes, I am Black. Yes, my skin is light. However, none of that should be the reason a man (of any race) decides to approach me. If you have ever uttered the words “I’ve never been with a Black woman” or “#AddictedToLightSKins” please, do us both a favor and take a bath with your radio, bruh. It’s highly offensive to be deemed nothing more than a fetish, secret obsession or addiction. I am a woman dammit. And if you can’t appreciate me for being just that, kick rocks. Take your fetishes to PornHub where they have categories for that shit.

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