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To the Bystanders

Today is the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I promised to write something. Waiting all month, however, meant that people already wrote just about everything there was to write about DV already. So, I’d like to invite y’all to dig a little deeper and discuss something that’s often overlooked. Sometimes, the worst part about being in an abusive relationship is the people surrounding you.

Now, don’t get me wrong, the abuser is always the biggest bad guy (or gal or person). I’ve been in three abusive relationships and I say without a lick of shame that I am patiently waiting for my abusers to die a very unpleasant death so I can show up to their funerals with a smile on my face and a “Bye, Satan!” sign to wave in the air. Their cruelty is unmatched and I’m sure most victims would feel the same about their abusers as well. What they may also feel but not vocalize is how the people on the outside of the relationship made them feel.

When you’re in an abusive relationship, you may see people act 1 of 3 ways toward you (directly or indirectly). They tend to deny, ignore, or blame. Let’s discuss. Read the rest of this entry