The art of cheating has become very convoluted by the phenomenon that is social media. Folks are getting caught up. Between side chicks tagging pictures and girlfriends studying swipe patterns until they infiltrate, men stand no chance. And I say men because we all know women don’t get caught cheating. Ever. I’d tell you to ask my ex, but he still doesn’t know. I kid. I kid. Seriously. I’m not a cheater. However, if I were a cheater, I’d be a pretty damn good one. Know why? Cuz I’ve been cheated on more times than I can remember and you better believe I’ve been taking notes.
And since I’m a giving person, I’ll share some of those notes with y’all. Most women only get mad when they find out their man has been cheating so I consider it a public service to help you guys make sure she never finds out. You’re welcome.
1. Step your password game up. Don’t use the same password for everything. Keep a variety of passwords with a variety of upper and lower case letters and all that good stuff. Make it so you can barely remember it. Best thing is to use something connected to an ex that your current girl would know nothing about in the first place. Yeah, it’s messed up, but so is you cheating.
2. Don’t take your phone with you. Those things track your every move. I remember one day my phone randomly chirped and told me it would take me 15 minutes to drive home except, home wasn’t home, it was just a house I went to often…..all bad. It’s best to accidentally leave your phone at your desk when you go see the side piece. As a matter of fact….
3. Get a throw away phone. The best cheaters always have two phones. One for reality, one for side chicks and any illegal activities they may be involved in. I really shouldn’t have to explain this one to you. And if you can’t afford two phones, you shouldn’t be cheating in the first place. It’s a privilege, not a right.
4. Edit your privacy settings. Deactivate your wall. Don’t allow your posts to be shared. Require approval of any tagging done. It’s the simple things that get most of you guys in trouble. Be smart.
5. Don’t tell anyone. Dudes have got to stop bragging about cheating. Don’t even tell your homies. They may just snitch cuz they want your main chick crying on their shoulder. If you’re the type to cheat, your friends probably have morals as f*cked up as yours. Just keep it on the low.
6. Try to get a chick who looks like your chick. If you’re out in public with your side piece (which you shouldn’t be in the first place) folks may not look twice if she looks a lot like your main chick. But if your girl is short and light-skinned and you’re out with a tall dark-skinned chick, expect her cousin to send her a message when she rides past you on the bus.
7. Use cash and throw away your receipts. Side pieces aren’t tax-deductible anyway.
But you know what? The best piece of advice I can give you is to just not cheat at all. Trust me, there are enough chicks out there with low-self esteem who will take turns playing the role of main chick with zero commitment. Just stay single and stop ruining loyal girls for the rest of the world.